Thursday, December 21, 2006

Squi Squi & Pijins

Yes it's real. The proof is in the pussy:

12 as ever,


Tuesday, December 19, 2006

The quick brown VOX jumped over the lazy BLOG

So I've been slack and you haven't been getting enough food on the paper plate. Not to worry, I've just created another, easier to use page right here.

It's just simpler, faster and well, more.

Check it out by clicking this.

Until the next visual vomit, stay 12.


Monday, November 06, 2006


I forget things. Many things. I even forgot my own birthday, once. That's why I write things down. It started with carrying a book around, but then I started writing on little bits of paper. They were good, but not when I lost them or left them in my pockets just before my clothes were washed.

So now I write on my hands. And my arms, on a good day. It's a lot easier transcribing everything once, just before I get into the shower. If I don't shower before I go to bed, though, my sheets (and my girlfriend, when she stays over) wake up looking something like a dream diary that got drunk and fell asleep with an open magic marker.

Anyhow, something I wrote down recently, but never want to forget, is this quote by Catriona Ross, so here it is, for all webternity (hopefully):

"The idea becomes a dream. The dream becomes a commitment. The commitment becomes a business. The business becomes the expression of the idea. But the idea never stops being a dream."

See you on the 12 side.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

New words

I'm not sure what it takes to get a new word into the dictionary (I'll ask the web soon; probably just after I write this) but from time to time new words line up on the tip of my tongue and I can't not say them. Here are some words you would have heard, if you know me:

explosure (explosion + exposure): what you want to promise your client for his/her brand

cleverage (clever + leverage): when you leverage more exposure in a clever, usually cheaper, way

traffuck (traffic + fuck): unexpected traffic jam

fuckunt (fuck and, er, cunt): when cunt just doesn't cut it

Perhaps I'll add a 'word of the day' section to The Paper Plate. Right next to the 'quote of the day', 'link of the day' and 'song of the day'.

Don't make me remind you: Stay 12.

P.S. Since writing this, I have been informed by Caly1979 that Urban Dictionary deals with just this kind of thing. Ah, the web.

You can't not

There's so much to read/see/hear/touch/taste/smell that sometimes it gets to be overwhelming. That's when I take a deep breath and a step back and remember something smart my friend Tom Taylor told me:

"You've just got to believe all the best stuff will find its way to you."

As smart as these words are, they don't really help too much when you're living in the web, something I'm doing more and more. Having access to so much info is dangerous if you're an addict like me. All I need is one word and I can kiss a few hours away getting to the bottom of whatever subject catches my fickle fancy.

My curiosity knows no bounds, and the web never gets tired of answering my questions, so I have to keep asking.
I can't not. Can you?

Now, here's the call to action: Stay 12

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Letting go is easy.

The Buddha has some wise words. Some of the wisest, in my opinion, are, "Attachment is the source of all suffering.

If you're hurting, it's probably because you're still attached. Maybe it's an ideal. Maybe it's a person. Maybe it's your job.

But if it's an attachment, sooner or later it's going to be challenged, so don't be suprised when it does. Rather consider the nature of the attachment. Is it something you really need, or could you let go of it?

The less we hold onto, the more flexibile we are. And flexibility is never a bad thing.

You've only got so much time. Make the most of it.

As always, stay 12.

Not so Nacho now, are we?

I know how to make Nachos.

It's hardly rocket science.

And it's fast.

You'll need a bag of triangular corn chips, some decent salsa, a chilli/2, a block of cheese and some feta.Nachos need dip, so use sour cream and avo. Drop some Tabasco, lemon juice and black pepper into the avo for 'extra zest'. See, just like a TV chef.

Layer the grated cheese and salsa over successive 'beds' of the chips until you run out of chips.
Put any grated cheese you have left on top of the lot and stick it in the oven. Keep an eye on it while you sip your tequila, taking care to remove it before you burn the cheese on top.
Now, top it all off with crumbled feta, black pepper and some coriander for 'flair'.

There. How easy was that?

Well, it might be for us, but it's clearly quite a fucking challenge for the filthy hippies at Rafiki's, Kloof Str, Cape Town. Last night I ordered their chicken nachos and ended up paying R34.00 for a plate of stale chips, a smattering of diced tomato and onion and about as much cheese as I could sneeze at you. And it was cold. And it was delivered to the table about 20 minutes before anyone else's order.

Here's the moral, in case you were waiting for one: Don't order food at Rafiki's. Hippies can't cook.

Until the next lesson, stay 12.

There's a good reason it 's called a remote control

"The remarkable thing about television is that it permits several million people to laugh at the same time and still feel lonely." TS Elliot

Think about that next time you tune in for an episode of Friends you've probably seen twice already.

Stay 12.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Word to the wise

"If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it." Albert Einstein.

One lifetime is not enough

And I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.
The way I see it, you've got maybe 80 years, if you're lucky.
More if you're luckier than a rabbit's foot.

Most of this time you'll spend asleep, at school or at work.

Sleep is necessary. Apparently. School's an obligation you'll struggle to get around because they dump you in the system when you're 6, so it's not like you can really fight back.

Work's where you have a bit of room to move, I believe, because nobody is forcing you to do something you don't like. Find your passion (not that easy) then work out how you can get paid for it.

Then work becomes play. And the lines start to blur.

Case in point: Ze Frank (

Now, since this is my first post and I'm eager to learn as quickly as possible, I'm going to publish.

You can expect to hear more from me.

Until next time, stay twelve.